An Open Letter...

To the cable and satellite television companies of the United States and Canada;

I write to you today to demand that a glaring void in your programming be filled immediately. Coverage of this year's Torino Olympic Games have opened my eyes to an enthralling pastime, without which my life is empty and without meaning. I refer of course to curling. This sport of supreme athleticism, skill and drama is grossly under-represented- one might even say unrepresented- in your current offerings. Yet you permit the NBC networks to offer Olympic curling as a "free hit," leading to the addiction of millions with no means of satisfying their craving for more intense curling action.

I demand a Curling Network, a basic-package channel dedicated to 24-hour world curling coverage. I want historical profiles of the great curlers of the past, whose names I do not yet know. I want inside looks at the all-important draft of talented college curlers into professional franchise teams, competing for the heady paychecks of as much as $3,000 per season. I insist that a movie be made devoted to the trials and tribulations of the Ghanan curling team.

As the Olympics concludes, I face a long period of curling withdrawal. As a Texas resident, it is difficult for me to go to my local frozen pond and enter a curling pickup game. It is your responsibility- you, who place this content on news channels opposite Brit Hume and Lou Dobbs, thereby guaranteeing it massive viewership- it is your responsibility to satisfy this craving you have maliciously instilled in myself and the rest of your customers.

No need to send me a reply; I trust that the Curling Network will be announced immediately upon receipt of this letter. You could save time and effort and just convert ESPN Classic, which nobody watches except for Cheap Seats fans. You could even keep the Sklar brothers on staff as commentators; I'm certain they could do the sport of curling justice.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

An Open Letter...

To the cable and satellite television companies of the United States and Canada;

I write to you today to demand that a glaring void in your programming be filled immediately. Coverage of this year's Torino Olympic Games have opened my eyes to an enthralling pastime, without which my life is empty and without meaning. I refer of course to curling. This sport of supreme athleticism, skill and drama is grossly under-represented- one might even say unrepresented- in your current offerings. Yet you permit the NBC networks to offer Olympic curling as a "free hit," leading to the addiction of millions with no means of satisfying their craving for more intense curling action.

I demand a Curling Network, a basic-package channel dedicated to 24-hour world curling coverage. I want historical profiles of the great curlers of the past, whose names I do not yet know. I want inside looks at the all-important draft of talented college curlers into professional franchise teams, competing for the heady paychecks of as much as $3,000 per season. I insist that a movie be made devoted to the trials and tribulations of the Ghanan curling team.

As the Olympics concludes, I face a long period of curling withdrawal. As a Texas resident, it is difficult for me to go to my local frozen pond and enter a curling pickup game. It is your responsibility- you, who place this content on news channels opposite Brit Hume and Lou Dobbs, thereby guaranteeing it massive viewership- it is your responsibility to satisfy this craving you have maliciously instilled in myself and the rest of your customers.

No need to send me a reply; I trust that the Curling Network will be announced immediately upon receipt of this letter. You could save time and effort and just convert ESPN Classic, which nobody watches except for Cheap Seats fans. You could even keep the Sklar brothers on staff as commentators; I'm certain they could do the sport of curling justice.

Thank you for your time and consideration.