redneckgaijin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
redneckgaijin) wrote2009-03-06 05:03 pm
redneckgaijin) wrote2009-03-06 05:03 pm
Cooking don'ts...
My grandmother decided to make cookies today.
She found her unopened box of brown sugar had turned into a brick, forcing her to use a butcher knife to break it up. That wore her out, but she pressed on anyway...
... only to have the oatmeal cookies turn into what amounted to oatmeal paper. The batter didn't congeal- when it got hot, it spread across all available surfaces.
"I didn't put in enough flour," she said.
I checked the recipe, and I noticed one item I knew for a fact we didn't have in the house: shortening.
Not a bit.
"Did you use shortening?" I asked.
"Yeah, yeah, of course I did."
"Okaaay... just wanted to make sure you didn't use oil."
"That's what I used, the oil, 'cause I didn't have any Crisco."
".......... oil and shortening aren't the same thing."
"They aren't?"
"No. Oil doesn't congeal."
"I guess that's what did it, then."
(Gee, d'ya THINK?)
She says she's never making cookies again, but I've heard that song before...
She found her unopened box of brown sugar had turned into a brick, forcing her to use a butcher knife to break it up. That wore her out, but she pressed on anyway...
... only to have the oatmeal cookies turn into what amounted to oatmeal paper. The batter didn't congeal- when it got hot, it spread across all available surfaces.
"I didn't put in enough flour," she said.
I checked the recipe, and I noticed one item I knew for a fact we didn't have in the house: shortening.
Not a bit.
"Did you use shortening?" I asked.
"Yeah, yeah, of course I did."
"Okaaay... just wanted to make sure you didn't use oil."
"That's what I used, the oil, 'cause I didn't have any Crisco."
".......... oil and shortening aren't the same thing."
"They aren't?"
"No. Oil doesn't congeal."
"I guess that's what did it, then."
(Gee, d'ya THINK?)
She says she's never making cookies again, but I've heard that song before...
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Problem is, the stuff is so thin that when you pick it up you have about a second before it folds in half and disintegrates.
Also, as you might guess, it's VERY greasy by texture.
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Then again, a few of the truck people complain when processing candles. The smells from a dozen different weird-flavor candles blend into a heady aroma when they're fresh from the casepack. Doesn't bother me though. I like to teese Pam or Nancy who get the candles if I don't get to the cases first, "Be a man, breath deep!" (I love retail, so much fun)