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First, quick URL: click here to find the six Dem Senators who supported Mukasey, plus mention of the five AWOL Presidential candidates.

Second... I've let this go the past couple years, but Notre Dame's abysmal performance this year in college football has inspired me to revive the Stupor Bowl, the hypothetical chance for the two worst teams in NCAA Division I football to gain one last bit of redemption at the end of the year.

Here are the rules: the teams must be the two worst teams, by wins-losses, in NCAA Division I football, but the two teams cannot come from the same conference. All zero-win teams must be considered before any one-win teams are. Ties are broken by comparing scoring, closeness of defeats, toughness of schedule and quality wins/losses.

Here's a list of the current candidates, from least to most worthy:

MINNESOTA (1-8) - Won against: Miami (OH) (5-5) - Avg. margin of defeat: 11.3 - # competitive losses: 4
Best hope for win #2: Iowa (5-5), tomorrow, 12 PM

Possibly the best of the losers. Granted, it lost its one allowed matchup against a I-AA school (N. Dakota State), and two of its other near-misses were against small schools, but it came within a point of beating Northwestern. Also, bear in mind this is the Big 10- Minnesota has had to absorb Ohio State and Michigan, among others, in its loss column. Unfortunately, it's their turn in the barrel in the Big 10. They really have little to no chance of beating Iowa tomorrow, but that chance is better than the odds of their beating Wisconsin.

NORTHERN ILLINOIS (1-8) - Won against: Idaho (1-8) - Avg. margin of defeat: 14.6 - # competitive losses: 4
Best hope for win #2: Kent State (2-7), tomorrow, 4 PM EST

Remember back in the day when NIU was a potential BCS buster? No longer. Its one victory comes against the hapless Vandals of Idaho- more on them in a bit. Its close misses include Temple- who was a Stupor Bowl pick a few years ago, and this year has managed to keep out of contention by the slimmest of margins. They've got a prayer against Kent State, though, if their weak defense can come together. Their other two games, against Ball State and an unusually strong Navy squad, don't lend much Husky hope.

DUKE (1-8) - Won against: Northwestern (5-5) - Avg. margin of defeat: 15.5 - # competitive losses: 2
Best hope for win #2: Notre Dame (1-8), Nov. 17, 2:30 PM EST

Well, no surprise here: North Carolina has never really been a football state, and Duke has never, EVER been a football college. Fortunately for them, they have a shot at redemption against Notre Dame (see below) on the 17th. North Carolina State at the end of the month also opens a faint hope for another win- and intra-state bragging rights.

COLORADO STATE (1-8) - Won against: UNLV (2-7) - Avg. margin of defeat: 8.7 - # competitive losses: 2
Best hope for win #2: Georgia Southern (Div. 1-AA), Nov. 17, 2 PM EST

Colorado State's margin of defeat is a bit lopsided due to the shellacking they gave UNLV. What's more, CSU was more competitive in the early weeks of the season; its more recent losses have been blowouts, as opposed to its three-point loss to Colorado in the first game of the season. Its prospects for win #2 are bleak. CSU still has a Div. 1-AA foe in its schedule, but Georgia Southern is 7-2 and ready for its Appalachian State moment. Wyoming is not a good option- 5-4 with a win over 7-2 Virginia. And 6-3 New Mexico? Forget it.

MARSHALL (1-8) - Won against: Rice (2-7) - Avg. margin of defeat: 14.7 - # competitive losses: 2
Best hope for win #2: UAB (2-7), Nov. 24, 4:30 PM EST

The Blundering Herd stumbles on. Aside from Miami FL (which has since collapsed) and #3 West Virginia, Marshall has had a fairly soft season in the very soft Conference USA... and has blown it big time. There is some tiny hope for an upset against U. of Houston (6-3 and also in super-soft C-USA), but better hope lies with 2-7 U. Alabama at Birmingham.

SOUTHERN METHODIST (1-8) - Won against: North Texas (1-8) - Avg. margin of defeat: 11.6 - # competitive losses: 2
Best hope for win #2: Rice (2-7), tomorrow, 3 PM EST

Speaking of the soft C-USA, here's SMU, which once had the best team Daddy's money could buy. It's never recovered from its NCAA death sentence of nearly twenty years ago, and it's been a consistent contender for the Stupor Bowl. Unlike Marshall, they don't even have the excuse of playing a ranked team- their strongest opponent was Texas Tech, which has since fallen out of the rankings. Tomorrow's game against Rice is the Mustangs' last significant hope for a second win.

IDAHO (1-9) - Won against: Cal Poly (Div I-AA) - Avg. margin of defeat: 13.6 - # competitive losses: 2
Best hope for win #2: Utah State (0-9), Nov. 24, 5 PM EST

UTAH STATE (0-9) - Won against: NOBODY - Avg. margin of defeat: 14.4 - # competitive losses: 3
Best hope for win #1: Idaho (1-8), Nov. 24, 5 PM EST

I'm putting these two together because they play one another in their last game of the season. This is the closest sports fans are likely to get to a real, honest and for true Stupor Bowl. Technically I'm no longer considering Idaho as a competitor for the Stupor Bowl for exactly this reason: they ALREADY get a chance to redeem themselves. If Idaho loses to Utah State, Idaho has blown its chance at final glory, and doesn't get the Stupor Bowl; if Idaho wins, USU ends its season perfectly awful (anyone predicting upsets against Boise State? No? Didn't think so) and claims its spot in the Stupor Bowl.

NOTRE DAME (1-8) - Won against: UCLA (5-4) - Avg. margin of defeat: 17.7 - # competitive losses: 1
Best hope for win #2: Duke (1-8), Nov. 17, 2:30 PM EST

Down this low more for its extreme fall from its past glory days, but Notre Dame's play has been exactly this awful. All but one of its losses have been utter blowouts. The one question people ask watching the Fighting Irish is, "Who let these kids on the field, and where is the REAL Notre Dame team?" The upcoming match-up with Duke is likely another close Stupor Bowl match-up, with the loser being a strong competitor for the *ahem* honor should one of our three frontrunners fail to fail.

We've already seen one of the three frontrunners- Utah State. Here are the other two:

NORTH TEXAS (1-7) - Won against: UL Monroe (3-6) - Avg. margin of defeat: 26.1 - # competitive losses: 0
Best hope for win #2: Florida International (0-9), December 1, 7 PM EST

The Mean Green Machine done broke down. Again. In the Sun Belt Conference, quite possibly the softest of the soft, the college in Denton could only find a single win. Fortunately for them, they get to close out the season at Florida International...

FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL (0-9) - Won against: NOBODY - Avg. margin of defeat: 29.4 - # competitive losses: 1
Best hope for win #1: Spontaneous combustion of the opposing team just prior to the coin flip

... who, in the same conference, couldn't even manage to defeat ANYONE. They have no running game, negligible passing, and a total inability (until last week's game against Arkansas State) to keep pace with any opponent. Technically North Texas is their last, best hope, but even IF they win their home closer, they'll still be in the Stupor Bowl barring some major, earth-shaking results elsewhere.


So, the big games to watch for Stupor Bowlery...

Notre Dame v. Duke, Nov. 17, 2:30 PM EST
North Texas at Florida Int'l, Dec. 1, 7:00 PM EST
Utah State v. Idaho, Nov. 24, 5:00 PM EST

How the competition stacks up:

Provided they lose all their other games, the loser of the North Texas - Florida Int'l game is in the Stupor Bowl.

If Utah State loses v. Idaho and at least one other game of its three remaining, it takes the other spot. If Utah State beats Idaho, neither Utah State nor Idaho gets named to the Stupor Bowl; the spot instead goes to Notre Dame, if they (as expected) lose out.

After that, the ranking of badness to get a Stupor Bowl bid is:

SMU
Marshall
Colorado State
Duke
Northern Illinois
Minnesota

Now let's watch tomorrow's games and see if anybody claws their way out of competition for the dubious honor of... STUPOR BOWL 5!
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