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redneckgaijinEver since Axis Powers Hetalia came out, quite a few other people have tried doing similar things- most notably, and successfully (or at least persistently) Scandanavia and the World, drawn by a Danish artist who strongly disagreed with the pretty-boy Hetalia portrayal of Europe's Frozen North.
Recently she actually did a breakdown of four of the most prominent regions in Denmark- Sjylland, Jutland, Fyn, and Bornholm- as separate characters, Sjylland being the face of Denmark as a unified entity. (Not the first time she's done this- the most notable example being the character of Aland as separate from both Finland and Sweden.)
She went on to say, "If you want separate regions of your country done, do it yourself- you know their idiosyncracies best."
OK, so, being an American, here's my attempt at doing the fifty states. (And, being a HORRIBLE artist, I'm doing it by describing the personality of the various states, based on my experience or impression of each. Feel free to roll your own.
* ALABAMA
A miserly bigot who aggressively uses religion to defend his own ignorance. Pays his workers next to nothing, spends as little as possible on maintenance or repairs, then wonders why he lives the life of a pauper- and then blames it on the pinko commie atheist liberals. Exerts a bad influence on his sister MISSISSIPPI.
* ARIZONA
Gullible and wasteful, Arizona is always willing to fall for the latest snake-oil or conspiracy scheme. She's deathly afraid of invasion from Mexico, to the point of paranoia. Despises her older siblings, NEW MEXICO and CALIFORNIA.
* ARKANSAS
Ignorant and unexposed, but well-meaning. Is usually behind the times, and has trouble understanding why the old ways don't work anymore. Deeply religious to the point of not being able to comprehend anyone who isn't. Often a severe embarrassment to older sister MISSOURI.
* ALASKA
Youngest of the group. A young, overgrown child in the "MINE!" stage of development. Prone to doing things for the hell of it, simply to see what happens. Annoyed at the other states who make him clean up his room.
* CALIFORNIA
Rich, strong, and more than eager to do things to other people For Their Own Good. She's personally paranoid that she might not be living up to her own full obligations and is always in a dither when she's not telling someone off. Envious of WASHINGTON and OREGON for their ability to relax; mortified by sisters NEVADA and ARIZONA.
* COLORADO
Industrious and a little opportunistic, but now that he's made good he wants to do the Right Thing... as soon as he figures out what that is. Often willing to take both sides of an argument. Very friendly and open-minded, within limits.
* CONNECTICUT
Quiet, self-satisfied, and fairly contemptuous of what others think of him (which isn't much, or often). Knows he's better than anyone else, without having to do anything to back it up. Is closer to his neighbor NEW YORK than to his New England siblings.
* DELAWARE
Very small but proud; doesn't want to be seen as a charity case. He will sometimes go to extremes to maintain the image of independence. Has an inferiority complex with big sister PENNSYLVANIA.
* FLORIDA
One of the oldest of the group. A disillusioned dreamer, now cynical and twisted. Presents a friendly, welcoming face to others, but has a cruel streak a mile wide and takes great pleasure in the misfortune of others.
* GEORGIA
Better off than most of his Southern neighbors, he earned all he currently has through hard work. Shares the bigotry of his mortally embarrassing sister SOUTH CAROLINA and idiot nephew ALABAMA, but feels guilty about it at times- something the other two never do. Holds those who can't work in contempt; feels everyone can make it if they try. Despite this, takes pride in being a gracious host.
* HAWAII
Older than he looks. Tolerant of practically anything, provided others extend the same toleration in return. Visitors annoy him, so he has no shame in taking them for anything and everything he can- to the point that he doesn't have to do anything else.
* IDAHO
He knows the outside world exists; he just doesn't care much. Takes pride in his beautiful garden and landscaping. Although brother to WASHINGTON and OREGON, associates with them as little as possible, except to nag them about their laid-back, permissive ways.
* ILLINOIS
Greedy, corrupt, and utterly shameless about the fact. He never misses a trick to get money into his pocket, be it farm subsidies or urban graft. Never forgets or forgives a debt. Laughs (with very little justification) at his more bucolic brothers WISCONSIN and INDIANA.
* INDIANA
Eccentric farmer prone to believing kooky things. He's prone to doing crazy or even cruel things, but doesn't understand when people get upset. Left to himself he'd just grow corn and be content, but pressure from his brothers ILLINOIS and OHIO won't let him.
* IOWA
A quiet farm girl- indeed almost silent unless you get her on the subject of crops, at which point she goes a little bananas. Is flattered and a little annoyed that the other states ask her first about who should be in charge of the nation. Has a quiet wisdom, but would rather let people stay ignorant than put up much of a fight.
* KANSAS
A loudmouth who knows too little and talks too much. Listens far too much to neighbor OKLAHOMA. He's not actually stupid, just extremely underexposed to other thoughts and opinions and uninterested in learning new things.
* KENTUCKY and WEST VIRGINIA
Virginia's little brothers. Both of them are absolutely contrary and will do whatever's worst for them simply because someone said they should do the exact opposite. (A lot of this attitude may come from when both lived in Virginia's house, where Virginia drove them crazy trying to constrict their freedom while keeping them poor.) Both are poor, but Kentucky, being older and a bit better off, tries (with some success) to pass himself off as a gentleman. West Virginia, being younger, weaker, and desperately impoverished, doesn't even try to look like anything other than a hillbilly. Both are fearsome, no-holds-barred opponents all too eager for a fight.
* LOUISIANA
A sexy, attractive woman and knows it- revels in it. Always on the lookout for a good time. On Sundays she puts up a front as a strict, upstanding Christian, but it's sheer hypocrisy. Whether partying or not, has absolutely no sophistication about her, nor much concern for the opinion of others. Plays neighbors TEXAS, ARKANSAS and MISSISSIPPI for suckers every chance she gets.
* MAINE
The most contrary of the New England siblings (and that's saying a LOT). Minds his own business and wishes everyone else would do likewise. Prefers to go it alone, even though he only thrives when working with his neighbors. Absolutely cannot stand to be categorized or pigeonholed in any way.
* MARYLAND
Cheerful, pragmatic, and welcoming. Proud to be the host of the central government (the District of Columbia), but can't understand why the money and jobs it brings in goes in one pocket and out the other just as fast.
* MASSACHUSETTS
A crusader and dreamer almost constantly on the edge of burnout and cynicism. Prone to grumble about how things always suck and nothing ever changes, but still revitalized every time a new cause comes along. He tries to dominate his New England siblings (who generally loathe him), but seldom succeeds.
* MICHIGAN
He can do practically anything that requires hard work... and practically nothing else. Bewildered by the changing world, he simply has no idea what to do next. Not being all that bright, he's often the victim of corruption or scams. When he does catch on, though, there is no forgiveness in his heart for those who wronged him. He believes in fairness to the point of religious fervor.
* MINNESOTA
She looks fairly normal until she opens her mouth- then watch out. Often goes from one loony idea to the next, with the effects of her obsessions often canceling each other out. Loves hunting and fishing with a passion. Sister IOWA doesn't know what to do with her.
* MISSISSIPPI
Perpetually poor, worried and desperate. She spends much of her time in an antebellum dream-world that never existed, a state of affairs her brother Alabama and neighbor Louisiana encourage for their benefit. Has a confused sort of bigotry; she knows it's wrong, but doesn't really understand why, and can't stop herself from acting on it.
* MISSOURI
She shares many of the old backwater prejudices of her younger brother Arkansas, but has trouble reconciling them with the working world she deals with every day. Basically a hillbilly girl who put on a suit and moved to the city. Has a lot of trouble making up her mind, and is prone to change her mind without warning.
* MONTANA
Quiet, generally responsible. She's proud of her voluptuous form and goes to great pains both to show herself off and to preserve herself as much as possible. She doesn't care all that much either for religious freaks or freaky liberals, but is willing to listen to each in turn. She sometimes gets desperate in her efforts to attract visitors to her home, but won't stoop to Louisiana's level. Very good friends with NORTH DAKOTA.
* NEBRASKA
Shares most of twin brother KANSAS's prejudices, but she tries to keep silent about them. They resemble each other very closely.
* NEVADA
A shameless prostitute- more so than Louisiana- with a heart of solid coal. She was born rich, but lost everything long ago (including her innocence). Delights in luring in victims with the promise of a good time, rolling them for everything they have, then abandoning them. Although the other states all claim to despise her ways, every last one of them visits as often as they can.
* NEW HAMPSHIRE
He's a political junkie with a focus on self-sufficiency. He remembers the slightest misstep anyone has ever made and never, ever lets them forget it. He'll gladly talk your ear off about why your political view (whatever it is) is wrong and evil. Despite this, if you can get him off the subject, he's a polite and welcoming host and a surprisingly hard worker. He holds Massachusetts in contempt as a sell-out and Vermont in hatred as a Communist.
* NEW JERSEY
He's a little guy with an enormous chip on his shoulder. He refuses to stand in the shadow of brother New York or sister Pennsylvania, even though they're both bigger and richer than he is. He's prone to claims of greatness, glory, etc. which he simply can't back up. Despite this, his scrappy, loyal nature earns him more friends than enemies.
* NEW MEXICO
He's old, generally relaxed, and generally unambitious. To his mind tomorrow will be the same as yesterday, so why get excited about anything? He pays little attention to neighbor Texas, tries to be a good influence on Colorado, and despairs of little sister Arizona's conduct.
* NEW YORK
Whereas Virginia thinks everyone should be like her, New York knows everyone is like him. Smug, sophisticated, worldly and utterly contemptuous of everything which is not him. He resents it when people remind him he's not as grand or important to the others as he used to be. Is inordinately proud of his face (NYC), but often neglects the rest of himself. Tolerates New Jersey, abuses the New England siblings at any opportunity.
* NORTH CAROLINA
Unlike brother South Carolina, North Carolina is a pragmatist. He sees the world as it changes and, having tried in the past to hold those changes back, struggles to keep up. He gets along well with South Carolina despite his brother's naked insanity- better, in fact, than he gets along with snobbish Virginia and his little brother Tennessee.
* NORTH and SOUTH DAKOTA
Twins, both male. They're both plain with some facial scars (North Dakota more than South), and they're both primarily rural farmers with little interest in the outside world. North Dakota is quieter, more stoic, and in a close relationship with Montana; South Dakota is louder, more overtly religious, and in a close relationship with Nebraska.
* OHIO
He has a history of being sleazy, corrupt and callous, but he tries to put on a respectable front to the world. Despite being perpetually on the verge of bankruptcy, he loves to put on the image of being rich, prosperous and glamorous. He regards himself as a national leader- a position almost no other state acknowledges. Despite this, he can really work hard if he needs to.
* OKLAHOMA
An ignorant teenager who thinks he has all the answers and won't be told otherwise. The most bigoted, prejudiced, and intolerant state. The other states regard him as lazy, greedy, and stupid, and he does little or nothing to change their minds, not giving a damn what anyone else thinks of him. He's passionately religious and prone to denegrate anything he dislikes as "ungodly." He has a love-hate relationship with Texas, a much better relationship with Kansas and Arkansas.
* OREGON
A strong young man who's always on a self-improvement kick. He's always among the first to try new things, often under the influence of California. He often trips up where his ambition and pragmatism collide- for example, his love of nature running up against the need to earn money by logging and mining. Gets along well with California and younger brother Washington, but tends to have strained family relations with other brother Idaho.
* PENNSYLVANIA
A state with a horrible case of split personality disorder. Sometimes she's generous, tolerant and kind, but without warning she can become a stingy, callous harpy. Is prone to the bad habit of prying into the affairs of others (especially West Virginia, Maryland, Delaware and New Jersey) but then taking severe offense when others do the same to her. She's a hard worker always open to new ideas or challenges- which, some say, may be the cause of her insanity.
* RHODE ISLAND
The tiniest, and most belligerent, state. Has a proud, go-to-Hell attitude and a contempt for the opinions of others which in others might inspire admiration, but with Rhode Island only inspires scorn. Is generally ignored by every other state as much as possible.
* SOUTH CAROLINA
He sees the outside world, the history of the past 160 years, and even the opinions of his fellow states as illusions which will go away if he wills it so. Too proud and arrogant to change in the face of reality, he doesn't realize that he no longer holds the respect of any but a few states (like Alabama, Oklahoma and Arizona). He's self-centered, bigoted, greedy, and absolutely insane- and, unfortunately, the other states either encourage him or don't have the courage to confront him about it, for fear he'll try to destroy the nation (again).
* SOUTH DAKOTA: see North Dakota
* TENNESSEE
Another state, like Pennsylvania, with deep divisions and mood swings. When he gets confused (which is very often) he turns to religion, and he's turned more and more to religion in recent years looking for the answers. More and more lately he's turned to isolating himself from the rest of the world, listening more and more to his more Southern neighbors.
* TEXAS
Younger than he looks. He remembers that he was independent for a while, and acts as though he still is. He brags about everything he has until the other states are sick of it. He's actually quite smart (he's always on the burning edge of world economic trends), but is prone to acting unutterably stupid at times. He shares most of the bigotry and insularity of his Southern neighbors, but thanks to his greater intelligence and exposure to the outside world he isn't as fervent about it. Unlike almost all other southern states, he's quietly welcoming to foreigners- but he draws the line hard at giving any handouts. He holds all his neighbors in contempt except Louisiana, who he's been in love with practically since birth.
* UTAH
Isolationist, intolerant, ultra-religious and completely inflexible. Won't stand for other states meddling in his affairs, but meddles in theirs for fear of contagion. Most xenophobic state; most demanding of others to conform to his ways. Despite these massive drawbacks, he also has a broad artistic streak and, within limits, an extremely generous nature.
* VERMONT
A confirmed nonconformist and crusader with inexhaustible energy... but not much strength. Is almost totally incapable of getting along with anyone, despite honestly meaning the best for all concerned. He regards New Hampshire as the enemy, Massachusetts as a traitor, and New York as someone to be bullied (despite the fact it's more often the other way around).
* VIRGINIA
Although other states have been around longer in one form or another (Hawaii, Florida, New Mexico), Virginia still regards herself as the first in all ways that matter. She spent over a century living in the past after losing her pre-eminence in the Civil War, and she still doesn't quite understand that she's no longer a leader to much of anyone. Only recently, under pressure from Maryland and North Carolina, has she snapped out of it enough to begin catching up with the rest of the world economically. Culturally, despite recent (and shocking) exposure to the outside world, she's just as stuck in the past as ever.
* WASHINGTON
A young man not far out of his teens, Washington wants to take the lead as a cultural force in the nation. He's still trying to live down his early days as a pirate and a hillbilly both in turns, and today he's a romantic with dreams of Paris... and realities of living next to Idaho. When people try to tell him what he can and can't do, it brings out the hillbilly kid in him.
* WEST VIRGINIA: see Kentucky
* WISCONSIN
Obsessed with beer, cheese, and sports. He loves a good fight and is quite willing to get into one with practically anyone- especially himself. Known among his neighbors as a real party guy. Best buds with Michigan and Minnesota, not so much with Illinois.
* WYOMING
A very little man who wears a very big cowboy hat. Is proud of what he considers his natural beauty, but given his preferences wouldn't take any care of himself at all. He's not so much ignored by the other states, as they simply forget he exists.
... and wow, after undertaking that exercise, I've just seen how cynical I really am...
... except for Texas. I think I gave my home state too much of the benefit of the doubt...
Anyway, if you dispute a characterization, I'll only argue in proportion to how much time I've spent there or how much I've learned about it through other sources. By all means correct me, especially onfrozen tundra more northerly states.
Recently she actually did a breakdown of four of the most prominent regions in Denmark- Sjylland, Jutland, Fyn, and Bornholm- as separate characters, Sjylland being the face of Denmark as a unified entity. (Not the first time she's done this- the most notable example being the character of Aland as separate from both Finland and Sweden.)
She went on to say, "If you want separate regions of your country done, do it yourself- you know their idiosyncracies best."
OK, so, being an American, here's my attempt at doing the fifty states. (And, being a HORRIBLE artist, I'm doing it by describing the personality of the various states, based on my experience or impression of each. Feel free to roll your own.
* ALABAMA
A miserly bigot who aggressively uses religion to defend his own ignorance. Pays his workers next to nothing, spends as little as possible on maintenance or repairs, then wonders why he lives the life of a pauper- and then blames it on the pinko commie atheist liberals. Exerts a bad influence on his sister MISSISSIPPI.
* ARIZONA
Gullible and wasteful, Arizona is always willing to fall for the latest snake-oil or conspiracy scheme. She's deathly afraid of invasion from Mexico, to the point of paranoia. Despises her older siblings, NEW MEXICO and CALIFORNIA.
* ARKANSAS
Ignorant and unexposed, but well-meaning. Is usually behind the times, and has trouble understanding why the old ways don't work anymore. Deeply religious to the point of not being able to comprehend anyone who isn't. Often a severe embarrassment to older sister MISSOURI.
* ALASKA
Youngest of the group. A young, overgrown child in the "MINE!" stage of development. Prone to doing things for the hell of it, simply to see what happens. Annoyed at the other states who make him clean up his room.
* CALIFORNIA
Rich, strong, and more than eager to do things to other people For Their Own Good. She's personally paranoid that she might not be living up to her own full obligations and is always in a dither when she's not telling someone off. Envious of WASHINGTON and OREGON for their ability to relax; mortified by sisters NEVADA and ARIZONA.
* COLORADO
Industrious and a little opportunistic, but now that he's made good he wants to do the Right Thing... as soon as he figures out what that is. Often willing to take both sides of an argument. Very friendly and open-minded, within limits.
* CONNECTICUT
Quiet, self-satisfied, and fairly contemptuous of what others think of him (which isn't much, or often). Knows he's better than anyone else, without having to do anything to back it up. Is closer to his neighbor NEW YORK than to his New England siblings.
* DELAWARE
Very small but proud; doesn't want to be seen as a charity case. He will sometimes go to extremes to maintain the image of independence. Has an inferiority complex with big sister PENNSYLVANIA.
* FLORIDA
One of the oldest of the group. A disillusioned dreamer, now cynical and twisted. Presents a friendly, welcoming face to others, but has a cruel streak a mile wide and takes great pleasure in the misfortune of others.
* GEORGIA
Better off than most of his Southern neighbors, he earned all he currently has through hard work. Shares the bigotry of his mortally embarrassing sister SOUTH CAROLINA and idiot nephew ALABAMA, but feels guilty about it at times- something the other two never do. Holds those who can't work in contempt; feels everyone can make it if they try. Despite this, takes pride in being a gracious host.
* HAWAII
Older than he looks. Tolerant of practically anything, provided others extend the same toleration in return. Visitors annoy him, so he has no shame in taking them for anything and everything he can- to the point that he doesn't have to do anything else.
* IDAHO
He knows the outside world exists; he just doesn't care much. Takes pride in his beautiful garden and landscaping. Although brother to WASHINGTON and OREGON, associates with them as little as possible, except to nag them about their laid-back, permissive ways.
* ILLINOIS
Greedy, corrupt, and utterly shameless about the fact. He never misses a trick to get money into his pocket, be it farm subsidies or urban graft. Never forgets or forgives a debt. Laughs (with very little justification) at his more bucolic brothers WISCONSIN and INDIANA.
* INDIANA
Eccentric farmer prone to believing kooky things. He's prone to doing crazy or even cruel things, but doesn't understand when people get upset. Left to himself he'd just grow corn and be content, but pressure from his brothers ILLINOIS and OHIO won't let him.
* IOWA
A quiet farm girl- indeed almost silent unless you get her on the subject of crops, at which point she goes a little bananas. Is flattered and a little annoyed that the other states ask her first about who should be in charge of the nation. Has a quiet wisdom, but would rather let people stay ignorant than put up much of a fight.
* KANSAS
A loudmouth who knows too little and talks too much. Listens far too much to neighbor OKLAHOMA. He's not actually stupid, just extremely underexposed to other thoughts and opinions and uninterested in learning new things.
* KENTUCKY and WEST VIRGINIA
Virginia's little brothers. Both of them are absolutely contrary and will do whatever's worst for them simply because someone said they should do the exact opposite. (A lot of this attitude may come from when both lived in Virginia's house, where Virginia drove them crazy trying to constrict their freedom while keeping them poor.) Both are poor, but Kentucky, being older and a bit better off, tries (with some success) to pass himself off as a gentleman. West Virginia, being younger, weaker, and desperately impoverished, doesn't even try to look like anything other than a hillbilly. Both are fearsome, no-holds-barred opponents all too eager for a fight.
* LOUISIANA
A sexy, attractive woman and knows it- revels in it. Always on the lookout for a good time. On Sundays she puts up a front as a strict, upstanding Christian, but it's sheer hypocrisy. Whether partying or not, has absolutely no sophistication about her, nor much concern for the opinion of others. Plays neighbors TEXAS, ARKANSAS and MISSISSIPPI for suckers every chance she gets.
* MAINE
The most contrary of the New England siblings (and that's saying a LOT). Minds his own business and wishes everyone else would do likewise. Prefers to go it alone, even though he only thrives when working with his neighbors. Absolutely cannot stand to be categorized or pigeonholed in any way.
* MARYLAND
Cheerful, pragmatic, and welcoming. Proud to be the host of the central government (the District of Columbia), but can't understand why the money and jobs it brings in goes in one pocket and out the other just as fast.
* MASSACHUSETTS
A crusader and dreamer almost constantly on the edge of burnout and cynicism. Prone to grumble about how things always suck and nothing ever changes, but still revitalized every time a new cause comes along. He tries to dominate his New England siblings (who generally loathe him), but seldom succeeds.
* MICHIGAN
He can do practically anything that requires hard work... and practically nothing else. Bewildered by the changing world, he simply has no idea what to do next. Not being all that bright, he's often the victim of corruption or scams. When he does catch on, though, there is no forgiveness in his heart for those who wronged him. He believes in fairness to the point of religious fervor.
* MINNESOTA
She looks fairly normal until she opens her mouth- then watch out. Often goes from one loony idea to the next, with the effects of her obsessions often canceling each other out. Loves hunting and fishing with a passion. Sister IOWA doesn't know what to do with her.
* MISSISSIPPI
Perpetually poor, worried and desperate. She spends much of her time in an antebellum dream-world that never existed, a state of affairs her brother Alabama and neighbor Louisiana encourage for their benefit. Has a confused sort of bigotry; she knows it's wrong, but doesn't really understand why, and can't stop herself from acting on it.
* MISSOURI
She shares many of the old backwater prejudices of her younger brother Arkansas, but has trouble reconciling them with the working world she deals with every day. Basically a hillbilly girl who put on a suit and moved to the city. Has a lot of trouble making up her mind, and is prone to change her mind without warning.
* MONTANA
Quiet, generally responsible. She's proud of her voluptuous form and goes to great pains both to show herself off and to preserve herself as much as possible. She doesn't care all that much either for religious freaks or freaky liberals, but is willing to listen to each in turn. She sometimes gets desperate in her efforts to attract visitors to her home, but won't stoop to Louisiana's level. Very good friends with NORTH DAKOTA.
* NEBRASKA
Shares most of twin brother KANSAS's prejudices, but she tries to keep silent about them. They resemble each other very closely.
* NEVADA
A shameless prostitute- more so than Louisiana- with a heart of solid coal. She was born rich, but lost everything long ago (including her innocence). Delights in luring in victims with the promise of a good time, rolling them for everything they have, then abandoning them. Although the other states all claim to despise her ways, every last one of them visits as often as they can.
* NEW HAMPSHIRE
He's a political junkie with a focus on self-sufficiency. He remembers the slightest misstep anyone has ever made and never, ever lets them forget it. He'll gladly talk your ear off about why your political view (whatever it is) is wrong and evil. Despite this, if you can get him off the subject, he's a polite and welcoming host and a surprisingly hard worker. He holds Massachusetts in contempt as a sell-out and Vermont in hatred as a Communist.
* NEW JERSEY
He's a little guy with an enormous chip on his shoulder. He refuses to stand in the shadow of brother New York or sister Pennsylvania, even though they're both bigger and richer than he is. He's prone to claims of greatness, glory, etc. which he simply can't back up. Despite this, his scrappy, loyal nature earns him more friends than enemies.
* NEW MEXICO
He's old, generally relaxed, and generally unambitious. To his mind tomorrow will be the same as yesterday, so why get excited about anything? He pays little attention to neighbor Texas, tries to be a good influence on Colorado, and despairs of little sister Arizona's conduct.
* NEW YORK
Whereas Virginia thinks everyone should be like her, New York knows everyone is like him. Smug, sophisticated, worldly and utterly contemptuous of everything which is not him. He resents it when people remind him he's not as grand or important to the others as he used to be. Is inordinately proud of his face (NYC), but often neglects the rest of himself. Tolerates New Jersey, abuses the New England siblings at any opportunity.
* NORTH CAROLINA
Unlike brother South Carolina, North Carolina is a pragmatist. He sees the world as it changes and, having tried in the past to hold those changes back, struggles to keep up. He gets along well with South Carolina despite his brother's naked insanity- better, in fact, than he gets along with snobbish Virginia and his little brother Tennessee.
* NORTH and SOUTH DAKOTA
Twins, both male. They're both plain with some facial scars (North Dakota more than South), and they're both primarily rural farmers with little interest in the outside world. North Dakota is quieter, more stoic, and in a close relationship with Montana; South Dakota is louder, more overtly religious, and in a close relationship with Nebraska.
* OHIO
He has a history of being sleazy, corrupt and callous, but he tries to put on a respectable front to the world. Despite being perpetually on the verge of bankruptcy, he loves to put on the image of being rich, prosperous and glamorous. He regards himself as a national leader- a position almost no other state acknowledges. Despite this, he can really work hard if he needs to.
* OKLAHOMA
An ignorant teenager who thinks he has all the answers and won't be told otherwise. The most bigoted, prejudiced, and intolerant state. The other states regard him as lazy, greedy, and stupid, and he does little or nothing to change their minds, not giving a damn what anyone else thinks of him. He's passionately religious and prone to denegrate anything he dislikes as "ungodly." He has a love-hate relationship with Texas, a much better relationship with Kansas and Arkansas.
* OREGON
A strong young man who's always on a self-improvement kick. He's always among the first to try new things, often under the influence of California. He often trips up where his ambition and pragmatism collide- for example, his love of nature running up against the need to earn money by logging and mining. Gets along well with California and younger brother Washington, but tends to have strained family relations with other brother Idaho.
* PENNSYLVANIA
A state with a horrible case of split personality disorder. Sometimes she's generous, tolerant and kind, but without warning she can become a stingy, callous harpy. Is prone to the bad habit of prying into the affairs of others (especially West Virginia, Maryland, Delaware and New Jersey) but then taking severe offense when others do the same to her. She's a hard worker always open to new ideas or challenges- which, some say, may be the cause of her insanity.
* RHODE ISLAND
The tiniest, and most belligerent, state. Has a proud, go-to-Hell attitude and a contempt for the opinions of others which in others might inspire admiration, but with Rhode Island only inspires scorn. Is generally ignored by every other state as much as possible.
* SOUTH CAROLINA
He sees the outside world, the history of the past 160 years, and even the opinions of his fellow states as illusions which will go away if he wills it so. Too proud and arrogant to change in the face of reality, he doesn't realize that he no longer holds the respect of any but a few states (like Alabama, Oklahoma and Arizona). He's self-centered, bigoted, greedy, and absolutely insane- and, unfortunately, the other states either encourage him or don't have the courage to confront him about it, for fear he'll try to destroy the nation (again).
* SOUTH DAKOTA: see North Dakota
* TENNESSEE
Another state, like Pennsylvania, with deep divisions and mood swings. When he gets confused (which is very often) he turns to religion, and he's turned more and more to religion in recent years looking for the answers. More and more lately he's turned to isolating himself from the rest of the world, listening more and more to his more Southern neighbors.
* TEXAS
Younger than he looks. He remembers that he was independent for a while, and acts as though he still is. He brags about everything he has until the other states are sick of it. He's actually quite smart (he's always on the burning edge of world economic trends), but is prone to acting unutterably stupid at times. He shares most of the bigotry and insularity of his Southern neighbors, but thanks to his greater intelligence and exposure to the outside world he isn't as fervent about it. Unlike almost all other southern states, he's quietly welcoming to foreigners- but he draws the line hard at giving any handouts. He holds all his neighbors in contempt except Louisiana, who he's been in love with practically since birth.
* UTAH
Isolationist, intolerant, ultra-religious and completely inflexible. Won't stand for other states meddling in his affairs, but meddles in theirs for fear of contagion. Most xenophobic state; most demanding of others to conform to his ways. Despite these massive drawbacks, he also has a broad artistic streak and, within limits, an extremely generous nature.
* VERMONT
A confirmed nonconformist and crusader with inexhaustible energy... but not much strength. Is almost totally incapable of getting along with anyone, despite honestly meaning the best for all concerned. He regards New Hampshire as the enemy, Massachusetts as a traitor, and New York as someone to be bullied (despite the fact it's more often the other way around).
* VIRGINIA
Although other states have been around longer in one form or another (Hawaii, Florida, New Mexico), Virginia still regards herself as the first in all ways that matter. She spent over a century living in the past after losing her pre-eminence in the Civil War, and she still doesn't quite understand that she's no longer a leader to much of anyone. Only recently, under pressure from Maryland and North Carolina, has she snapped out of it enough to begin catching up with the rest of the world economically. Culturally, despite recent (and shocking) exposure to the outside world, she's just as stuck in the past as ever.
* WASHINGTON
A young man not far out of his teens, Washington wants to take the lead as a cultural force in the nation. He's still trying to live down his early days as a pirate and a hillbilly both in turns, and today he's a romantic with dreams of Paris... and realities of living next to Idaho. When people try to tell him what he can and can't do, it brings out the hillbilly kid in him.
* WEST VIRGINIA: see Kentucky
* WISCONSIN
Obsessed with beer, cheese, and sports. He loves a good fight and is quite willing to get into one with practically anyone- especially himself. Known among his neighbors as a real party guy. Best buds with Michigan and Minnesota, not so much with Illinois.
* WYOMING
A very little man who wears a very big cowboy hat. Is proud of what he considers his natural beauty, but given his preferences wouldn't take any care of himself at all. He's not so much ignored by the other states, as they simply forget he exists.
... and wow, after undertaking that exercise, I've just seen how cynical I really am...
... except for Texas. I think I gave my home state too much of the benefit of the doubt...
Anyway, if you dispute a characterization, I'll only argue in proportion to how much time I've spent there or how much I've learned about it through other sources. By all means correct me, especially on
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